By Liza Cooper
Among the 20 largest cities in the United States, New York ranks the worst in terms of dating, because so few New Yorkers are “actively searching for a relationship,” TimeOut recently reported.
That came as a surprise to me – The Love Coach (TLC) of the Upper West Side. When I walk around our neighborhood with my red-and-white sign, asking random passersby to “Talk to Me About Love, Dating, and Relationships,” the most common question I get is, “Where do I meet someone?”
For those dismayed by the research, here’s hope from people who have found love in NYC. In advance of Thanksgiving, I asked passing couples in the West 70s about their gratitude for their romantic partners — and uncoupled people about why they’re grateful to be single.
Here’s a sampling of my conversations.
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Marilyn, age 84, and Edwin, age 88
TLC: How did you meet?
Marilyn: We were neighborhood sweethearts. It’s been 65 years.
Edwin: Feels like 95 years! (laughs)
Marilyn: It was a different time, and if you weren’t married by 25, you weren’t following the rules. He was probably my only one.
Edwin: Probably? You didn’t tell me about the others!
TLC: This will be the comedy portion of the article! Tell me what you are grateful for in the other.
Marilyn: He’s so easy. If I fed him puppy food, he’d say, “This is delicious”. He’s always there for me.
Edwin: We are attached at the hip, so I have to be.
Marilyn: People say, ‘Look how cute, you still hold hands!’
Edwin: We have balance issues and hold hands to keep from falling! I’m grateful for that!
Marilyn: We are up there in age.
TLC: You look so young. How old are you?
Edwin: She’s 21.
Marilyn: Oh, don’t be a comedian. I’m 86 and he’s 88.
TLC: I can see humor is a big part of your relationship. How are you spending the day?
Edwin: We are going to go for Chinese at Tri Dim Shanghai West on Columbus.
Marilyn: And since you’re a love coach, do you know a nice guy for my granddaughter?
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Andrew and Jake, 28 and 28
Andrew: We met on Hinge, and our first date was at the Amsterdam Ale House off West 77th Street. It was the day of the NYU dentist graduation, and I greeted him with, “Did you see the army of dentists that I fought through to get to you?”
Jake: He was so charming. The conversation just flowed.
Andrew: Our knees were touching, which felt very exciting. We talked forever. A few dates in, I made him dinner at my place and gazed at him for three hours. I’m a love-at-first-sight person.
TLC: Wow! What are you grateful for about one another?
Andrew: Amazing question. He’s mature, wise, witty, and I trust him fully. We’ve been dating for a year and a half, which is like seven years in the gay world!
Jake: Andrew is easy to be with and brings out the best in me. Everyone says I am the happiest I have ever been when we are together.
Andrew: Aww, I will remember these words forever! Jake loves me unconditionally, which I have never had before.
TLC: I am in love with you guys! Your relationship is beautiful.
Andrew: We are in love with you!
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Elsie and Arie, ages 21
Elsie: Are you like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City?
TLC: I like to think so (laughs).
Elsie: Well, I’m done with romance.
Arie: And I was in a relationship for a while but am single now and love it.
TLC: There’s a theme here, and a difference in tone with you two! So what are you grateful for about being single?
Elsie: I can travel and don’t have to worry about texting anyone or missing a partner. Some of my friends don’t want to go away for too long. I’m grateful to be free!
Arie: My friendships have changed and deepened now that I’m single. I have found some of the qualities I seek in a romantic partner in my friends!
TLC: Someone told me being a single woman means you are in the coolest club ever. But you said earlier, “I’m done.” What did that mean?
Arie: I have so much love to give. If I am in a casual romantic relationship, it’s not enough for me. I am an all-in kind of person. Until I meet someone who is ready for that too, I’m grateful to fly solo.
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Cami, age 26, and Bryce, age 27
TLC: You two seem very amorous. How long have you been together?
Cami: About a year.
Bryce: We met on Instagram.
TLC: What are you grateful for in one another?
Cami: He’s always trying to make me happy, keep me calm and positive.
TLC: How does he do that?
Cami: By encouraging me and sending me motivational quotes every day.
TLC: How lovely. And what about you, Bryce, what are you grateful for in Cami?
Bryce: She makes me a better man, by helping me wake up early, be on time, and show up as the best version of myself.
TLC: It’s called the Michelangelo effect, when you bring out the best in the other. Can I take a picture of you for the column?
Bryce: We have tattoos of one another’s names on our ankles. Can you photograph them?
Liza Cooper is a social worker and dating coach.
Single, coupled? What are you grateful for? Share in the comments. Liza responds to every person.
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